


Every second

by Iliketowrite_2



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Crying, Cuddles, Depression, Fluff, Reader Insert, Suicidal Reader, Suicidal Thoughts, breakdown - Freeform, depressed, iliketowrite_2, reader - Freeform, suicidal, trigger warning, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 21:46:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15252699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iliketowrite_2/pseuds/Iliketowrite_2
Summary: You go to Sam when you feel like you can’t fight anymore.





	Every second

**Author's Note:**

> This is coming from a personal place, and I actually like this fic. It was good to get it off my chest. I hope you like it.

You walked down the empty hallways of the bunker. You weren’t exactly sure what your were looking for, but whatever it was, you still hadn’t found it yet.  
It was close to three a.m. and the air in the bunker was below freezing, but you didn’t really care. You couldn’t really feel it anyway. You couldn’t really feel anything lately; and weather or not that’s a good or bad thing, you’re yet to decide, although you were leaning more towards bad more so than the good.  
Sam and Dean were worried about you. It was obvious. Hell, you worried about yourself too sometimes. Deny all you like, but you know somethings wrong. Really wrong.  
You’d always been the strong girl. The badass. Even before you met Sam and Dean, you’d always been independent. You knew what you wanted, and you’d work your ass off to get it.  
You could kill monsters with your eyes closed with ease. Walk in guns-a-blazing and leave without a scratch. Research was a piece of cake- or pie in this case- too. Sure you loved getting in on the action, but every once in a while being able to unwind in some lore didn’t hurt. In fact, you found it rather relaxing.  
The last few years with the Winchester’s had been interesting to say the least. It was hard being the only girl. Being underestimated isn’t something you deal well with, and you’ll go to extreme extents to prove you can take care of yourself- even when you can’t.  
Which brings you here. You’re not exactly sure how you got to where you are right now; mentally. You can’t pin point what made something inside of you snap. Maybe it was all the little things that have gone wrong piling up on one another, or maybe it was the sudden realisation that you... had nothing left..  
“Y/n?” You snap out of your daze, looking at your surroundings for the voice that had called out to you. You were near the bunkers stairs, and as you turned around you saw Sam sitting in the war room with a book in his lap. He closed the book and placed it on the table as he stood up.  
“Y/n, what are you doing up?” He asked, he had a small frown on his face and his eye brows were drawn together in concern.  
You hesitated, “Uhh.. I’m not... I’m not really sure.” He walked over to you and held on to your biceps, keeping you steady. You didn’t even realise you were swaying.  
“Are you okay?” His beautiful brown eyes were piercing into yours and that was it- the straw that broke the camels back. Your lip wobbles and your face screws up as you let out a strangled sob.  
Sam wraps his arms around you and pulls you into his chest and hold you tight.  
For the first time in months, you’re no longer numb or empty. You feel everything you haven’t been able to feel; all at once. And it fucking hurts.  
Your knees give out beneath you and Sam tightens his grip as he slowly lowers both of you to the ground. He cradles you to his chest as you cry. This wasn’t a pretty cry- oh no, this wasn’t anything beautiful in any sense of the word. This was you. Breaking.  
You were broken, and you could feel everything in you shattering, tearing you apart. You clawed at the arms wrapped around you, trying to ground yourself.  
“Sam, somethings wrong with me,” tears were streaming down your face and you choked for air between your gasping, “There’s something wrong with me Sammy.”  
“Shhh. Breathe Y/n. Just breathe first, okay?” He whispered into your hair, placing soft kisses on your forehead. You nodded, following his breathing and instructions.  
Close to twenty minutes you’d finally reduced to sniffles and hiccups, still lying in his arms.  
“What’s going on with you Y/n/n?” He turned you around a little to face him, but he still kept a firm hold on you.  
“I don’t know. I don’t know Sam. I don’t think- Sa- I can’t do this anymore. I don’t... I don’t think I can keep myself safe Sammy.” The look in his watery eyes was heartbreaking, and you instantly regretted telling him how you felt. Your eyes welled with tears again. You removed yourself from his arms and stood from the floor, wrapping your arms around yourself. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything, I can go, I’ll go pack my stuff a-and I can be gone in ten minutes. I promise you’ll never-“  
“Y/n, slow down, you’re not going anywhere okay?” He waited for you to nod before he took your hand and started leading you down the hallway, “come on.” You caught up to him, but he didn’t let go of your hand, instead just holding it closer to him.  
He opened the door to his bedroom and pulled you inside, closing it behind you. He lead you to the bed, pulled down the covers and climber in, nudging you to get in with him. You slide in next to him and he tangles your legs together and kisses your forehead gently.  
“It’s hard. I know. It’s so damn hard, and right now? Nothing seems worth a god damn thing. But I promise you Y/n, I’m gonna take care of you. Dean and I are gonna help you through this. It’ll be hard, and it’s not gonna be easy, but no matter what happens, I will always be here for you. You are worth so much more than you know. You mean everything to me, and I love you with everything I have. So if you can’t fight for yourself? Please, fight for me; because I’ll always, Always fight for you. You got it?”  
He wiped your tears away with the pads of his thumbs, running his fingers through your hair. You nodded at him, giving him the first genuine smile you’ve had on your face in what felt like forever.  
“I love you so much Sam.” He smiled.  
“I love you too.”  
You knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but if you were gonna fight, you were gonna fight like hell. No, maybe it wasn’t for you. But it was for Sam. And Sam was worth every second of the pain.


End file.
